right now

right now

Jun 14, 2010

What It's Like...

Before you read any further, let me preface this by saying this post is in no way related to the garden and is not intended to offend any of you, my lovely readers! Rather, you are my trusted sounding board, and I look forward to every bit of advice, help, laughter and support that you are so good at providing! These "little things" I am about to rant about are normally vented through my trusted partner in life, and never seem to reach critical mass. Enter the problem: trusted friend/confidant/partner in life and parenting is currently deployed to the Middle East - that leaves you, my friends!

Letter to Random People Encountered Lately,

When you ask me what I do and I say "I'm a stay at home mom", don't be all condescending and tell me how much you want to do that but then you couldn't afford the $700 worth of after school crap your kids are enrolled in and the latest styles for them. That's passive aggressive, and it's unattractive. Why do you feel the need to justify working to me? I don't think any less of you for working and many times I wish I could go work with adults all day and regain an important spot in the workforce. After school crap and clothes, though? Pick a different excuse, that one sucks.

Don't assume things about me because I am not wearing a wedding ring. You don't know me - my husband does. I worked in an environment for many years that would not allow jewelry to be worn due to safety issues, good thing because I hate jewelry, all kinds - my husband knows this, that is why you will only see me wearing the silver WalMart plain band that I requested, not him, only on "special" occasions. I will say it again, I hate jewelry. But the fact that you would notice such a thing and actually comment on it is kind of disturbing - where's your own personal "governor"?

When you ask at a school/afterschool event where my husband/the kids' father is, don't tsk-tsk and feel sorry for me because he is deployed. He is doing a job that he loves, that his family supports, and one that earns an honest living for his family. No, it's not like being divorced, no, it's not like he has abandoned the kids! My kids have a loving father, I have a great husband who does all he can for us, and I think that's awesome, not sad. We may need the support of friends sometimes, but don't give us sympathy like he just abandoned us, and PLEASE stop saying stupid stuff like that in front of my kids!

Hey Sam's Club lady with the big flatbed full of junk food who commented upon hearing the cashier tell me my total of $74.36 today and following it up with "I could never be a bargain shopper, I can never get out of here for under $500.oo".... It shows! I hope you choke on the 7 cases of Jimmy Dean sausages and 10 cases of Moon Pies ya got there. Passive Aggressiveness Sucks Lady

When my kid begs for a ridiculous item at a store and you overhear me saying "no", don't say "Awwwww, but he's so cute!" So???? So that means he gets everything he wants? Mind your own business and you might want to work on your kids there, like the one letting all the bouncy balls out of the cage and the other stomping her foot and screaming that she hates you, yeah, is this supposed to help convince me to buy my kids more crap they don't need? It's not working and mind your own business.

When you park next to me in your big Escalade that you can't see out of the window in, don't hop out and say "What a cute car, I could NEVER fit all my stuff in there, though". Reality Check: It's an Outback, a damn station wagon, don't be an idiot. What did your parents drive you around in? Why don't you ask them? My mom toted all of us around in a VW Bug, cross country even while in the military... but apparently Escalades have been around since. like "for-EV-ER"... someone should have told my mom. And also, bragging about how much less mileage you get in an effort to be more affluent than me.... stupid. I'll say it yet again, passive aggressiveness sucks

Yours Truly,
The lady who doesn't have her husband here to talk her down off the ledge. That's right, I just may call you out in public one day, there's no one to stop me from losing it except a couple of little kids, and they aren't that effective yet...

Are you guys still reading? I am amazed, you are true friends! This helped so much I may make it a monthly feature, at least until my beloved sounding board returns home. Feel free to add whatever makes you crazy!


  1. Wow, complete strangers sure are chatty over your way! Out here in the Silicon Valley, most people keep their comments and thoughts to themselves; I'd fall over it I got a word out of anyone. I guess all the running commentary from rude strangers would get old quickly. Wish I had some advice this topic.

    Always listening, and reading ~ Conny

  2. Woohoo!!!! You TELL 'EM, sister! I love it! Am I still reading? Hell yes! In fact, I'm cheering you on!! All that stuff drives me crazy, as does people telling me how I'm not raising my chickens properly (if you're such an expert, do it yourself!) or that my kids will hate us when they're teenagers for living out in the middle of nowhere (teenagers always angst against their parents for one thing or another) or isn't is a lot of work living on a farm (isn't it a lot of work communiting three hours a day, never seeing your kids and living just for the weekend?) etc etc etc. Most recently, anonymouse flamers make me crazy (see my blog).
    Thanks for this spirited post, Erin -- I so needed this today!

  3. LOL! Mostly I think if people make comments like that to me I brush it off and don't notice. All military comments stick to me since I'm a proud Army wife. I get alot of "your husband won't have to go to Iraq will he? insert gulps" I patiently say, "Yes, he's been twice, wounded once, and when he goes again (notice it's not a if, but when) it will suck but we are proud of him!" If you aren't military, you just don't understand and most of them mean well, at least in my neck of the woods.

  4. Conny, yes... I am figuring out there can be a dark side to Southern Chattiness! LOL, I think it's everywhere but more so here, and I have noticed that once they find out you are military apparently they talk even more. Maybe it's because we belong to the government, we are public domain, LOL???!

    Fiona, must be something in the air, or all the heat, lately - I just read your post today! People are unbelievable sometimes. Like I said in the post, normally I would just casually mention goofy stuff like this over dinner conversation with hubby, but little kids just don't get this stuff, and I really don't want them to! When I noticed that I had been dwelling over Sam's Club lady 3 hours later, I felt compelled to rant and get it off my chest. As far as those comments about raising your kids in the country? My parents moved us to a farm in their home state of MN when my dad got out of the Navy, and I am so grateful! I don't regret a bit of it. Keep strong up there, eh? !

  5. Rant away! Oh, the grocery store people get me every time. Or the "I don't see how you manage to sit down as a family to eat EVERY night? And you cook from scratch? How do you do it?!" It's called, eating together as a family every night is a priority and I don't want to feed my family processed crap. That's how I do it. Really, it's not that hard.
    Thanks for the rant. We're always here.

  6. The wonders of stupid people.

  7. The author, the military comments don't bother me all that much since I was born into the military myself and I served at one point, too, so I have dealt with that all my life, you are right, 90% of them mean well, but the other 10% that are just plain mean get to me sometimes. Those don't even bother me as much as the randome people out there that only want to make themselves feel good by belittling others.

    Judy, ever seen the people with the food stamps buying cheetos and stuff? Don't get me wrong, the program has definite benefits to those that use it properly, but those grocery store sightings always leave me a little perturbed.

    Dani, well said!

  8. hahaha...Remind me never to mess with you. I'm more angry at women in their 20's these days who head to work in their flip flops, starbucks latte, bleached blond hair, fake tan and oversized purse and sunglass.

  9. What a day you had!! Good thing your happiness doesn't hinge on what they say. Excellent post, am with you all the way, peace

  10. Now see, I would ask about the wedding ring if I knew you well enough, and I would say the same thing about not fitting all my crap into your car (and probably have). Is it the undertones that make it passive-aggressive? Now you have me going through things I have said in my head, lol.

  11. HOORAY FOR MY SUPERWOMAN!!! Go get 'em, Tiger!

    The first one really gets to me. I raised five children, so I learned to budget pretty well. As my kids reached their teens, and wanted "special" (read $$$) clothing, we went to K-Mart and did some pricing. I told them I would pay the K-Mart price for their designer jeans, and they could pay the difference with their baby sitting/lawn mowing/whatever jobs or their allowance. Worked for us! I don't really need to budget these days, but I still do it. I think I was born with the thrifty gene.

    Oh, and cars. I thumb my nose at Hummers. Actually, I thumb my nose at all $$$ cars. My eleven-year-old Intrepid drove just as far with just as much comfort as your Mercedes, so pooh on you Mrs. Rich Person. Notice I said "drove". I broke down yesterday and bought a new car. You know what? I wanted a station wagon, because I still have two children at home....Annie and Otto ;-) I was overruled by Mr. Granny, and we bought a Chevy Malibu.

    PS: I don't like jewelry, either. I just wear one ring, but I'm not emotional about it. I'm married with or without a ring on my finger.

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  13. darn, I accidentally deleted my reply!

    Kelly, never fear! This particular person is hell bent on being better than everyone around her. She just manages to make herself look dumb in the process - she can't even park her car, LOL! And she may have more room to carry people, but not cargo, as my cargo area is bigger! Just sayin' she just makes up stuff to appear better all the while saying things like "your car is cute" and I heard her say to a mom with an old car, "must be nice to have a car that is paid off, but I have to have new cars" etc... maybe I am more sensitive to this stuff because we actually are "lower class", but at least I'm more educated than her, LOL... see how she makes me be evil right back?!

    Gran, I remember buying some of my own clothes, too! And congrats on your car, but now I am picturing you in a big bright YELLOW Hummer, LOL! As for jewelry, my hubby asked what I wanted him to bring me back from France and I said definitely not jewelry, perfume or clothes! That's not me at all... maybe a rock to put in my garden would be nice?!

  14. Thomas, back when I was working the "short skirt-looooong jacket" corporate world, my biggest pet peeve was open toed shoes and long fingernails. I always wanted to send them home for a do-over but was afraid of a lawsuit, LOL! Watching girls type with a pencil because their nails were too long is something I do not miss...

  15. Erin- that is a problem in some of the bigger SUV's- I need cargo room not people room too. I don't get the whole "class" thing anyway, most of us live beyond our means no matter how much $$ comes in, so in the end it all comes down to who's bills are bigger. What a contest!!

    But I will say I spend more $ on clothing and shoes, everything I have ever bought for the kids from Walmart that wasn't the Carter's label has fallen apart, sometimes on it's first wear. Maybe it wasn't always that way?? I don't even bother anymore. Now I just buy better brands second hand or on clearance and they wash and wear through multiple kids. I made the mistake of buying E. some cute stuff a month ago at Walmart and 2 of the 4 items already have seams with holes. WTF?!?

    Granny - congrats on the new car! Are the dogs digging it? ;)

  16. I buy alot at our local "Kid 2 Kid" consignment, and if I buy new I usually go to Old Navy, their kids jeans last through both my kids, and my friend's after that! They also have military discount on the first day of the month, so I am learning to time it! I will say it has been 15 whole months since I have been to "the mall"! I hate shopping for clothes. I usually buy for my hubby or myself at REI since that's the kind of clothes we wear and they last a long time.

  17. Wow-I LOVED this post. I could sure use you around here, with all the busybody neighbors commenting on EVERY DAMN THING I DO!
    Please, please , please start carrying a video camera with you so when you finally come "uncorked" we can all watch and nod and smile!!!!!
    I think a LOT of us would stand and salute you!

  18. Hi Sue! Thanks for the vote of confidence! I'm usually quite sane, but every now and then the "stupidness" I encounter is too much not to share LOL