Thank you, nameless lady at the YMCA yesterday - you were rushing out as we were entering, 3 girls in tow with hands full of bookbags and workout bags - and you paused not only to tell my boys "thank you" for holding the doors open for you but you also told me I was doing a great job raising these "fine young men".
If you only had known how my kids and I had started to feel about this whole "opening doors" thing. I have taught my kids to open doors for people since they were barely big enough to push them open with all their might and leave handprints on the glass. At first when they were about 3 or 4 they would get comments about "how sweet", or "how cute", but as they grew their efforts at basic kindness would go completely ignored. Now at ages 9 & 7, people rush through the door while talking on their cellphones with not even a basic acknowledgement or even a nod. Countless times upon arriving at a school event my boys would hold open a door, where what I thought was common courtesy for another to grab the door for their group, etc - a dozen or more people would rush through the door busy with other things obviously, while I'm left inside the building wondering what happened to my kids!
The basic act of saying "thank you" to our "young men and young women" seems to have left. I still often get thanks for holding doors but why not my kids? I can count on one hand the number of times in the past few years that I have had a child open a door for me, and I have realized why - it's the parents. These children are obviously the offspring of the non-thankers of the world. Our kids are the adults of the next decade, please show them basic respect for all they do and are trying to do.
Kudos to those of you out there who teach your kids basic kindness and courtesy, there are still some of us out there who really appreciate your efforts, and notice active parenting when we see it!
My kids are probably sick of me telling them that people really do appreciate their efforts even if they don't show it. YMCA lady, I honor you today for saying "thank you" to my boys, having your daughters thank them (much blushing ensued!), and for calling them "nice young men" within earshot of them. You have renewed their faith in adults this week! To you I say "no, thank you"!
Applause: clap, clap, clap, clap clap!!!!!
ReplyDeleteIsn't it crazy what impresses us these days?!
DeleteCall me a weirdo, but I got misty-eyed reading this post.
ReplyDeleteYears ago when my daughter was trying to get pregnant, she told me she really would like to have a daughter so she could pass on to her all I'd taught her about homemaking and making a home. But, she said, if she had a son she would bring him up with all those old-fashioned gentlemanly manners that seem to be going by the wayside; i.e., holding doors open for people, standing when being introduced to someone, etc. 'Twas not to be for my daughter, but it seems to me, Erin, you are doing what she would have strived to do. I know there are good kids and good parents out there. We just need to recognize them and give them credit for what they're doing. And hear more good stories such as you've told us today. Your boys ARE fine young men. And you're an amazing mother.
After reading your comment, it's my turn to get the sniffles!!
DeleteThat's an awesome story! My Mom raised me the same way and I still do the same thing to this day (and I'm in my 40's). And I ALWAYS say thank you whenever someone does the same for me. Great story thanks for sharing.
ReplyDelete1st Man, there are too few of you out there these days, thank you for being a considerate guy, and kudos to your mom!
DeleteOne of the key things to do if you want your kids to have manners is to model the behavior yourself. If the parents don't do it why should the kids? I hold doors for people and thank them when they hold a door for me. I've tried to teach basic manners to my kids but even now in their teens I'm still at them about it.
ReplyDeleteIt sounds like you are doing a fantastic job with your boys and they are going to turn into upstanding young men.
Sparkless, amen to that - if more parents modeled these behaviors themselves everything else would just fall into place!
ReplyDeleteI wouldn't have said "thank you", because I would have fainted dead away from the shock! Kidding. I always thank anyone who opens the door for me, young, old, male or female. We were raised with a strict regimen of manners and it has served me well all of my life. Good for you and good for them. You and your husband are raising two fine young men who will certainly add something good to the world.
ReplyDeleteToo bad I don't have a better place to post this where the "other parents" will see LOL... all my blogger friends share the same values as I so it's like preaching to the choir :)
DeleteThank you for your wonderful post. I also have two little boys, 8 and 2. My oldest runs to open doors for other people and tries to be the wonderful little gentleman I want him to be. I have noticed that people saying "thank you" is very uncommon. It really hurts for me to see the questions and disappointment in my son's eyes when people just rush past him like he is their door stop. I am happy to know that other parents still want their son's to grow up to be thoughtful and polite men. I was starting to have my doubts.
ReplyDeleteChristy, isn't it crazy? Good for your kids for doing what's right, and good on you for showing them the way. You realize our boys are going to have the girls lining up as soon as they realize that a polite, considerate guy is what they actually want LOL!
DeleteI'm always shocked when people comment that my children are 'so polite- they say please and thank you'. Um... I expect them to. But I can SO relate to this post. It's really hard to teach your children to be polite and 'do the right thing' when they get no acknowledgement for it.
ReplyDeleteIn the fall when we went to meet with a few of Ian's teachers (when he was struggling with the transition to high school), several of them commented a how polite he was, he always says good morning (or afternoon) when he enters the room and always wishes them a good day when he leaves. Evidently teachers don't get that very often. so sad.
Glad that another parent is trying to do the right thing as well- keep up the good work.
Judy
Judy, that must be fantastic for the adults in your kids' lives to be greeted every day - I swear I still think our "group" needs a commune where these basic values are still taught and practiced and we wouldn't have to have these occasional rants LOL!
DeleteWhere do we set up house? I'm in!!
DeleteYour right Erin,there should be more parents out there like you and hubby,but ,there isn't. In my neighborhood or just close by-your lucky to find a whole family in tact, I think we hit a new record for dysfunctional families.
ReplyDeleteJudy, I am happy to say my own parents are still together and I am so thankful for growing up in a household with both parents present. I understand that kids shouldn't grow up in a home with both parents if they are unhappy and it affects the kids, but I think far too many people throw in the towel too soon these days or go into a marriage seeing divorce as a way out right from the beginning- very sad.
DeleteI believe in giving compliments for manners, and it doesn't matter the age. Yesterday at work, I had a young man come in to pay a bill and make arrangements to transfer his account. He just graduated last year from high school and I know he has a history as a wild, troubled kid. He was sooo polite, visiting with me about the weather, etc. I know his mom and today I called her to tell her that he really impressed me. She was tickled pink to have me call her and it really made me feel good! It only takes a little effort to make the world a better place.
ReplyDeleteRuth, that's awesome! Your words will carry that mom a long ways, and as a mom yourself you totally get that! :)
DeleteI wanted to send this thank you the other day for both you and your husband serving in the military for us thank you-- there was a article my brother -in-law e-mailed me about a famous guy that was in a prison camp,shot down in viet nan but the whole point to the story was the guy that packed his parachute-they both ran into each other after the first guy came home and he thanked the guy that packed his parachute ,cus he made it ,and the other guy was honored he had did it for such a brave soldier-
ReplyDeleteJudy, ahhhh, the famous "Do You Know Who Packed Your Parachute? Story! That's a very famous story, especially with the Navy Aviation crowd. Thank you so much for your wishes, and the same to Jerry and YOU! With your husband's unfortunate health issues you are still serving as a military wife, and an excellent example of the dedication and love it takes to do so!
DeleteYou're doing a great job there Momma!
ReplyDeletethank you, Dani!
DeleteWhenever I'm in the city, I'm always amazed by how often I'll hold open a door for someone and it's not even acknowledged. I usually don't make general statements but I feel like oftentimes some women (usually the uppity ones) are so accustomed to having their doors held open for them that they don't even bother to thank or at least smile at the person doing it.
ReplyDeleteI remember once I saw a corporate type woman on her cellphone breeze through a door without acknowledging the guy who held it for her. Something about her just urked me so I purposefully went ahead of her at the next set of doors and allowed it to close in her face at the last minute. By the look on her face, I think she was expecting me to keep it open for her. Childish I know but I giggled inside anyway.
Thomas, I believe it, so many rude people these days!
DeleteIt is nice to hear people compliment children, the children deserve to hear it. It is that old positive reinforcement thing. And good for you for teaching your boys to be polite!
ReplyDeleteLOVE the new header by the way.
ReplyDeleteKelly, I think you were the first person to see it since I stayed up til midnight messing with the blog look last night and haven't posted anything new yet - seems fitting since you were like my very first follower, too! :) I've been meaning to update it for awhile now but it somehow never gets top priority during a normal day's chores!
DeleteI absolutely love it when kids hold doors for me, especially the younger ones who really get a kick out of doing it. They are just hilarious!
ReplyDelete